Gauntlet Reflection Paper - January 2010

Gauntlet Reflection Paper

My gauntlet week was amazing. I wish it would have been more stressful and challenging so that I could have gotten the whole experience of what I think gauntlet is supposed to be. I didn’t feel that much out of my comfort zone. Of course, there was a huge change, but I still felt as if I could easily handle what was going on. I’m just waiting for God to seriously break me. I’m excited for that moment but at the same time, I’m nervous to be broken.

I took a ridiculous amount of notes the first week and I’m pretty glad I did. One of the sessions that opened my eyes to the Lord a little more was the very first one. We were taught about having a circumcised heart and letting God do heart surgery on us. The Lord really spoke to me, saying, “That’s what I’ll be working on this year.” I’m starting to really notice a lot of things about myself and a lot of areas in my heart that the Lord is going to have to cut out. I feel like the Lord is doing what teachers do the first day of class. Most of the time, they will give you a syllabus and let us know what we should expect throughout the year. I believe God is doing the same for me. I haven’t had any huge breakthroughs yet, but throughout gauntlet and even now, the Lord is speaking to me about what He will be addressing in the future. I’m fairly nervous for the struggling part of it, but I know that the Lord is going to turn me into who He had in mind when He created me! I’m so excited to be that person!

So far, God has really been romancing me, and making me fall more and more in love with Him. He has given me visions revealing Himself, and he has helped me begin to grasp, but not yet fully, the meaning of how much he loves me. I’m so excited to understand more and to grasp the reasons why. I know all the phrases like “he knows the hair on my head” and “engraved my name oh his palm,” but there is a difference between knowing and comprehending.

I believe God is going to do amazing things in my core. He has already bound a few of us together very tightly and had me pray over them as my sisters during the Freedom service this past Wednesday (1/20/10). My core seems so willing to get to know me more, and I’m excited to get to know them more as well. They are so filled with life and they have such a good sense of humor. I’m going to get along with them well!

I expect a lot from God through my ministry placement. I want him to move and use me in incredible ways that I could never ever imagine! I know God has some divine appointments set up for me and that He will speak through me and I will be able to use my testimony and my experiences to touch people and help them see what God’s will is for my life.

I’m so happy to be here. I know that the Lord is going to test me and stretch me and that I shouldn’t be surprised when that happens. I also know that he will hold my hand through the fire and that I will not burn up. The Lord is so good to me.